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Trust and Compassion: How Couples Move From Defensiveness to Connection

Thu, 17 Sep 2026 16:59:00 GMT

Building Trust in Relationships | Sierra Vista Couples Counseling

Trust and Compassion: How Couples Move From Defensiveness to Connection

By Dwayne Kruse, MA, LMFT — Attainable Family Solutions

“That hurt my feelings.”

“What? How did that hurt your feelings? I didn’t even do anything.”

In two sentences, a conversation about hurt can become a battle over who is right. One person wants understanding. The other feels accused. Both begin protecting themselves, and the original concern gets buried beneath explanations, frustration, and withdrawal.

How do we change that conversation?

It begins with two things that can feel surprisingly difficult: showing what is tender and responding to that tenderness with care.

Vulnerability says, “Here is where I hurt.” Compassion says, “I want to handle that with care.”

Together, those small choices give trust a place to grow.

When protection gets in the way of connection

In our Stress Model work at Attainable Family Solutions, we look at what happens when people feel threatened, overwhelmed, or misunderstood.

Sometimes fear sounds like anger. Sometimes it looks like trying to control the conversation, correcting every detail, or insisting that a problem be settled immediately. Other times, protection looks like going quiet or wanting to get away.

Underneath those reactions may be something harder to say:

I’m afraid I don’t matter.

I’m afraid that whatever I say will be wrong.

I want to be close to you, but I don’t know how to do this without getting hurt.

These are possibilities to explore, rather than assumptions to make about your partner. Anger and withdrawal can have different meanings for different people.

The difficulty is that our protective responses can leave the other person feeling more threatened. One person presses harder for an answer. The other pulls farther away. Both become more convinced that they have to protect themselves.

Recognizing the pattern helps us ask a more useful question: What am I trying to protect, and how can I express that clearly?

Vulnerability means showing what is tender

Vulnerability can feel like laying down your sword. You give up the immediate protection of an accusation or a sharp comeback and let someone see what matters to you.

“You never make time for me” might become:

“I’ve been missing you. When we spend the whole evening doing separate things, I feel lonely. Could we spend some time together tonight?”

The second statement gives your partner something specific to understand and respond to.

The Gottman Institute describes a similar approach as a softened start-up: describing the concern, expressing your feelings, and asking for what you need without attacking your partner’s character. Gottman Institute: Softening Your Start-Up

Being vulnerable does not require sharing everything at once. Start with one concern, one feeling, and one manageable request.

You can even acknowledge the difficulty:

“This is uncomfortable for me to say, and I’m trying to say it without getting defensive.”

Compassion takes courage, too

When someone tells you that you hurt them, your first impulse may be to explain yourself.

You may have a valid explanation. You may remember the moment differently. You may feel hurt yourself.

Compassion asks you to make room for your partner’s experience before rushing to defend your own.

“I didn’t realize that landed that way. I want to understand.”

Or, when you recognize your part:

“My tone was sharp. I’m sorry. You deserved a more respectful response.”

That can feel vulnerable because you are allowing yourself to acknowledge an impact you may not have intended. The Gottman Institute identifies accepting responsibility for your own part in a problem as an antidote to defensiveness. Gottman Institute: Defensiveness

Compassion does not require agreement about every detail. You can care about someone’s feelings while still working toward a fuller understanding of what happened.

“I remember part of that differently, but I hear that you felt dismissed. Let’s slow down and understand each other.”

Check your stress before opening the conversation

Before asking either person to be more vulnerable, ask whether both of you have enough capacity to listen.

Are you hungry, exhausted, lonely, physically uncomfortable, or already upset about something else? Is this a private, comfortable place? Does either person feel cornered or rushed?

Our Trust and Compassion worksheet uses a 1–10 stress scale as a practical check:

1–4: More room for listening, connection, and problem-solving.
5–6: Proceed carefully and pay attention to rising tension.
7–8: Pause and regulate before continuing.
9–10: Stop the discussion and take a timeout.

These numbers are a self-awareness tool, not a clinical cutoff. Your ability to listen and respond matters more than choosing the “correct” number. You can request a break before reaching the top of the scale.

When someone is emotionally flooded, continuing to push the conversation can make understanding harder. Gottman’s guidance recommends a calming break of at least 20 minutes, with an agreed time to reconnect. During the break, do something settling rather than mentally rehearsing the argument. Gottman Institute: Managing Conflict and Self-Soothing

Try:

“I’m at about an eight. I care about this, but I’m having trouble listening. I need thirty minutes. Can we come back to it at seven?”

Then follow through. If you need more time, communicate that and make another clear plan.

Let your body support your words

Before speaking, take one comfortable breath. Relax your hands. Let your shoulders soften. Put down the phone.

Choose a posture that helps you stay present. Comfortable eye contact may help, but staring or forcing eye contact is unnecessary. Some people listen better while sitting side by side.

The point is to communicate willingness: I am here, and I want to understand.

When you notice a change in your partner’s expression or posture, check your interpretation.

“You seem tense. Are you feeling overwhelmed, or am I reading that wrong?”

Curiosity leaves room for an answer. Assuming you already know what their body language means can restart the argument.

Give both people a turn

A useful conversation has room for both experiences. One person should not have to provide endless reassurance while their own needs remain unheard.

Start with one person speaking and the other listening.

The speaker explains:

“When this happened, I felt ____. What I needed was ____. What I’m asking for now is ____.”

The listener checks:

“What I’m hearing is ____. Have I understood you?”

Once that person feels understood, make room for the other perspective. Listening first does not mean giving up your turn.

For example:

“When you looked at your phone while I was talking, I felt unimportant. Could you put it down for a few minutes?”

“I can see why that felt dismissive. I was distracted, and I’m sorry. I’ll put it away.”

Later, the listener might add:

“I also want to explain that I was waiting for a work message. Next time, I’ll tell you that instead of leaving you guessing.”

Now both people have useful information. There is also a specific action they can practice.

Trust grows through what happens next

A caring conversation is a beginning. Trust also depends on what follows.

Did you return after the timeout? Did you make the change you agreed to? Did you handle your partner’s disclosure respectfully later, even during another disagreement?

A small attempt can be meaningful: sharing one concern, asking one honest question, or staying present long enough to understand an answer. Let the next step reflect how safely and consistently those attempts are received.

Nobody owes unlimited vulnerability. Compassion can include a boundary:

“I want to hear what is hurting you. I’m willing to talk when we can do that without insults.”

Where there is intimidation, coercion, or violence, safety and individual support come first. A person experiencing harm is not responsible for creating safety by becoming more vulnerable.

Practice a different conversation

Our two-page Trust and Compassion worksheet offers a visual guide for recognizing defensive patterns, checking your stress level, expressing a need, and responding with care.

Choose a manageable concern and practice when you are both relatively calm. You do not have to begin with the hardest issue in the relationship.

At Attainable Family Solutions in Sierra Vista, we help couples use the Stress Model to recognize repeating patterns and practice more effective ways to communicate. If these conversations keep getting stuck, call 520-678-1115 to ask about couples counseling.

You can begin with a small, honest statement:

“This matters to me, and I want us to handle it differently.”

Then make the need clear. Your partner should not have to guess what you are asking for. Say what happened. Name what you felt. Explain what you need. Give each other something specific to understand—and something practical to do.

Why Do We Keep Having the Same Fight?

Thu, 10 Sep 2026 21:35:54 GMT

Different day. Different subject. Same fight.

Why Couples Keep Having the Same Fight

By Dwayne Kruse, MA, LMFT — Attainable Family Solutions

This time it might be the dishes, money, parenting, or how much time someone spends on their phone. But underneath the details, the feelings are familiar:

You’re not listening to me. I don’t matter. Nothing I do is good enough. I’m in this by myself.

When we keep responding to each other in the same ways, we tend to end up in the same place. Changing that begins with a willingness to learn something different—and practice it together.

A thought circulating on social media offers a useful starting point:

“Whatever is inside you when a crisis occurs is what will come out. Prepare by putting words of faith on the inside.”

What does that have to do with your marriage?

Quite a bit. Because you bring more than your love into a relationship. You bring what life has taught you about being loved.

What we bring into the relationship

Long before we can explain our feelings, we begin learning from our experiences. We learn whether comfort is available, whether expressing a need brings support or criticism, and what happens when someone gets upset.

Early experiences help shape the developing brain and our responses to the world. Those foundations matter, but they do not seal our fate. Development and learning continue into adulthood. Harvard Center on the Developing Child

Think about the lessons you grew up with.

Could you disagree and still feel loved? Did people apologize? Was affection freely offered? Did you have to get loud to be noticed—or stay quiet to keep the peace?

We bring those lessons into our adult relationships, often without realizing it.

One partner may have learned, We need to talk about this right now so I know we’re okay. The other may have learned, I need to get quiet so this doesn’t get worse.

Then stress arrives. One pushes for conversation. The other withdraws. The withdrawal makes the first partner more anxious, so they push harder. The pressure makes the second partner pull farther away.

Both may be trying to protect themselves or the relationship. Yet their responses keep reinforcing the very thing each person fears.

That is how a couple can argue about ten different subjects and still be having the same fight.

Find the need before it becomes a crisis

In the Stress Model work we do at Attainable Family Solutions, we look at what happens as stress rises, what needs may be underneath it, and how to respond before the situation becomes overwhelming.

An unmet need can be difficult to recognize when it comes out as a complaint.

“You’re always on your phone” may carry a need for connection.

“Why do I have to do everything?” may carry a need for help and shared responsibility.

“You never tell me anything” may carry a need to feel included.

The concern itself still deserves attention. But understanding the need gives you something clearer to work with.

Ask yourself: Can I explain what I need before I reach a critical moment?

Instead of waiting until resentment takes over, try:

“I miss you. Could we put our phones away and spend fifteen minutes together?”

“I’m overwhelmed tonight. Would you handle the kitchen while I get the kids ready for bed?”

“I want to hear you, but I’m getting worked up. Can we take a break and come back to this at seven?”

Your partner cannot reliably read your mind. Learning to make a clear request is part of caring for the relationship. So is noticing your partner and asking, “What would help right now?”

Make your relationship a priority

Jobs, children, school, bills, and extended family can consume nearly every available minute. Eventually, the relationship starts living on whatever energy is left over.

Often, that isn’t much.

Making your marriage a priority does not mean it always gets the most time. It means your connection deserves deliberate care as you handle the responsibilities of life.

Look at each other. Offer affection. Ask a question and stay long enough to hear the answer.

Serve your spouse or significant other in ways that matter to them. Let yourself receive care, too. Mutual care grows when both people can express needs, offer help, and have reasonable limits.

And dream together.

What kind of home do you want to build? What kind of parents do you want to be? How will you support each other through work, school, and caring for family? What are you looking forward to?

Plan the future together. Then take steps toward it together.

A relationship needs room for more than managing the next problem.

Listen to understand what your partner is experiencing

Sometimes we listen just long enough to prepare our defense.

We hear “I’m lonely” and answer, “How can you say that? I’m home every night.”

We hear “I need help” and answer, “You don’t appreciate everything I already do.”

The explanation may be understandable, but the feeling gets lost.

Try slowing down:

“You’ve been feeling alone, even when we’re both home?”

“You’re carrying more than you feel able to manage?”

Understanding your partner’s experience does not require agreeing with every detail. It gives you a place to begin a more useful conversation.

Pay attention to tone, posture, and facial expression, too. Words and nonverbal signals can send different messages. Research commonly quoted as a universal body-language percentage actually concerns a much narrower question about communicating feelings and attitudes. Albert Mehrabian’s explanation

If your partner says, “I’m fine,” but looks distressed, approach with curiosity:

“I hear you saying you’re fine, but I’m noticing you seem tense. Am I reading that correctly?”

Body language is a reason to check in. It does not tell you with certainty what someone else thinks or feels.

Practice what you want to come out under stress

“Putting words of faith on the inside” can include religious faith. It can also mean building confidence in who you want to be and how you want to show up in your relationship.

Consider practicing thoughts like these:

I can be upset and still speak respectfully.
I can ask for what I need before I explode.
I can listen without immediately defending myself.
We can pause and return to a difficult conversation.
I can take responsibility and try again.

These words become more meaningful when your actions support them. Each time you follow through, repair a hurt, or respond with care, you give each other another experience to build on.

Over time, those repeated experiences can help make a different response more available when stress arrives.

Start a different conversation

Our communication worksheet [click here] offers a starting point for looking at how you listen, express needs, and understand each other.

When using the rating worksheet, divide the response area down the middle. Rate yourself on the left and how you perceive your partner on the right. Each of you can complete your own copy, then compare your answers.

Treat the differences as openings for conversation:

“What helps you feel heard?”

“Where are our experiences different?”

“What is one thing I could practice this week?”

Your ratings describe your perceptions. Give your partner room to explain their own experience.

If you need a relationship tune-up, Attainable Family Solutions in Sierra Vista can help you recognize repeating patterns, communicate needs more clearly, and practice responding to stress together.

Repeating the same responses tends to bring us back to the same place. Let’s learn something new. Let’s practice something different. Let’s dream together.

Build trust through follow-through, truth through honest conversation, and understanding through listening. Give yourselves something different on the inside to draw from when the next difficult moment comes.

Fatherhood - Being a dad

Thu, 10 Sep 2026 00:59:41 GMT

This is a subtitle for your new post

Being a Dad

Being a dad is not
having all the answers
or never losing your way.
It is learning to notice
when the pressure is rising—
in your child,
in your family,
and in yourself.

It is knowing that stress travels.
A tightened jaw,
a sharpened voice,
a door closed too hard—
one nervous system
calling out to another.

And so is calm.

Being a dad is becoming aware
of what you bring into the room.
Your children may forget your advice,
but their bodies remember
whether your presence felt like shelter
or another storm to survive.

It is understanding
that every family has patterns—
some inherited,
some created,
and some waiting for one brave person
to interrupt them.

Being a dad is saying,
“This was handed down to me,
but it does not have to pass through me.”

It is pausing when you want to react.
Listening when you want to lecture.
Growing curious when fear
tries to make you controlling.

It is recognizing that anger
may be guarding hurt,
that defiance may be carrying fear,
and that silence may be saying
what a child cannot yet explain.

Being a dad is not keeping
everyone at a one on the Stress Scale.
It is noticing when the family reaches a six,
helping everyone slow down,
and refusing to make permanent wounds
during temporary storms.

It is teaching through relationship:

We can be upset
without becoming unsafe.

We can disagree
without withdrawing love.

We can take a break
and still come back.

We can make a mistake
and repair what happened.

Being a dad is holding boundaries
without withholding tenderness.
It is being strong enough to remain steady
and humble enough to apologize.

“I was too harsh.”
“You did not deserve that.”
“Let me try again.”

Those words do not weaken a father.
They teach his children
that love can survive imperfection
and that responsibility
is stronger than pride.

Being a dad is realizing
you are not merely raising a child.
You are shaping the way
that child will someday understand
love, safety, conflict, courage,
and belonging.

You will not do it perfectly.

That was never the assignment.

The work is to stay present,
to become more aware,
to choose connection more often than fear,
and—when you miss the moment—
to return and repair.

That is how families change.

That is how legacies heal.

That is what makes fatherhood
not perfect,
but powerful—

not effortless,
but attainable.

Marriage Repair for High-Responsibility Couples

Wed, 25 Feb 2026 03:00:28 GMT

Stop the debate loop. Reset the pattern. Get back on the same team.

Some couples don’t fight because they hate each other. They fight because they’re tired, pressured, and running different stress responses in the same space.

One person pushes for clarity, connection, resolution—right now.
The other person withdraws, delays, sidesteps, goes flat, or gets defensive.

Then it turns into the most exhausting loop on earth:
pursue → withdraw → escalate → shutdown → repeat.

And both people walk away feeling alone.

The Stress Model: it’s not “communication,” it’s regulation

Most couples try to fix marriage conflict by talking more, explaining more, proving more.

But when stress is high, talking becomes fuel.

Because the real problem isn’t the topic. It’s the nervous system state under the topic.

When one person is in overdrive and the other is in shutdown, the system becomes unstable. You get:

misread intent (“you don’t care” / “you’re attacking me”)
tone wars
defensiveness
long debates that never land anywhere
cold distance afterward

In the Stress Model, we treat that as a cycle , not a character flaw.

The “debate” isn’t the problem

The debate is the symptom.

The problem is that the system doesn’t have a reliable way to:

slow down activation,
stay on the actual topic,
repair after impact.

So you keep returning to the same emotional cliff.

What marriage repair looks like in a Stress Model approach

We don’t start by digging up the entire history. We start by changing what happens this week .

We map:

What flips the switch into escalation
What each person does when stress hits
How the other person interprets it
What words or behaviors ignite the spiral

Then we install structure that keeps the system from going off the rails.

Not “be nicer.” Not “use I-statements.” Structure.

Examples of structure:

a rule that you don’t start heavy topics when either person is activated
a rule that you don’t corner each other at bedtime
a rule for timeouts that isn’t abandonment (and isn’t punishment)
repair language that’s simple and repeatable

The goal is safety, not victory

High-responsibility couples often treat conflict like a courtroom:
who’s right, who’s wrong, who’s justified.

That mentality kills marriage.

Marriage repair happens when the system becomes safe enough for honesty without warfare.

And safety is built through consistent, repeatable structure—not emotional intensity.

The turning point most couples miss

Most couples keep trying to talk their way back to closeness while their bodies are still in threat mode.

It doesn’t work.

The turning point is when you learn to say:
“We’re activated. This isn’t the real conversation. Let’s reset first.”

That one sentence is the beginning of control.

If your marriage feels like a constant “almost”

If you love each other but the cycle keeps winning—this is fixable. But it’s not fixed by more arguing. It’s fixed by resetting the stress pattern and building a stable structure that holds under pressure.

Call for a free consultation: 520-678-1115
Not an emergency service. If you’re in immediate danger or considering self-harm, call 911 or 988.

When Leadership Stress Leaks Into Your Home

Wed, 25 Feb 2026 03:00:26 GMT

When stress hijacks your tone and timing, it’s not a character flaw—it’s a system problem.

If you carry responsibility—business owner, leader, provider, decision-maker—your home doesn’t just get “the best of you” or “the leftovers of you.” Your home gets whatever your nervous system has left after holding the line all day.

And that’s where the trouble starts.

Leadership stress doesn’t usually show up as “I’m stressed.” It shows up as tone . It shows up as urgency . It shows up as control . It shows up as you trying to fix everything fast, because that’s what works at work.

But home isn’t a workplace system. Home is a relationship system.

The Stress Model: what’s actually happening

Under pressure, most people drift toward one of two stress directions:

Some go into overdrive : more intensity, more pushing, more urgency, more correction, sharper words, tighter standards.
Others go into shutdown : fewer words, less warmth, less engagement, avoidance, numbness, “I don’t know,” or “I’m fine.”

Neither is “bad.” Both are stress responses. And here’s the truth you’ll feel in your bones:

When your system is activated, you don’t lead from values—you lead from survival.

That’s why you can be a solid leader in the world and still come home and get pulled into a conflict cycle you don’t respect.

The most common leadership-home trap

At work, you get rewarded for speed, efficiency, and certainty. At home, those same traits can come across like:

“You’re not listening.”
“You’re not doing it right.”
“Why is this so hard?”
“Can we just fix it?”

Then the other person responds—either by escalating back or by shutting down—and suddenly your “leadership” becomes a debate , a power struggle , or a disconnect .

That’s not you being a bad spouse or parent. That’s the system running a stress script.

What leadership looks like inside a family system

Real leadership at home is different. It’s less about being right and more about keeping the system regulated enough to function.

In Stress Model terms: the win is regulation first .

Because if you walk into the house still carrying the day, your body brings your work stress into the room even if your mouth doesn’t.

What we do in a Stress Model approach

We don’t start with “communication tips.” We start with the pattern.

We identify:

what triggers the shift into overdrive or shutdown,
what the “first five minutes” look like when you get home,
what the other person reads into your tone,
and what you do next that accidentally keeps the cycle alive.

Then we build a reset plan that fits real life—not theory.

A practical example:
You don’t need a long talk after a brutal day. You need a transition ritual that tells your nervous system, “Work is over. Home is different.”

Sometimes it’s five minutes in the driveway. Sometimes it’s a shower. Sometimes it’s a walk. Sometimes it’s a simple phrase you say every day:
“Give me ten minutes to land. I’m not upset with you—I’m unloading the day.”

That small structure can prevent a whole evening of tension.

The point isn’t to be perfect

The point is to stop letting stress steer the house.

When the system is stable, your natural strengths come back: presence, patience, humor, clarity. When the system is activated, your strengths get distorted and your people feel it.

If this is you

If you’re carrying high responsibility and you can feel stress leaking into your marriage, parenting, or health—don’t wait until it becomes a crisis. The earlier you reset the system, the easier it is to keep what matters intact.

Call for a free consultation: 520-678-1115
Not an emergency service. If you’re in immediate danger or considering self-harm, call 911 or 988.

The 5-Session Reset

Tue, 24 Feb 2026 21:24:09 GMT

Not endless therapy. A practical reset that gets you and your relationships back online.

When your life is high-responsibility and your stress system is running the show.

Most people don’t come in because they “don’t understand” their problem. They come in because they keep doing things they don’t want to do when stress hits.

You get sharp. You push. You lecture. You tighten control.
Or you go quiet. You withdraw. You shut down. You disappear emotionally.
Sometimes both happen in the same home—one person escalates, the other fades out—and the system spins.

That’s the Stress Model: when the nervous system is overloaded, the home runs on survival responses instead of values. The goal isn’t to win arguments or talk better while everyone’s activated. The goal is to reset the system so you can think, connect, and lead again.

The 5-Session Reset is a structured start designed to do exactly that—without turning therapy into a never-ending project.

What “reset” actually means

Reset doesn’t mean pretending life isn’t hard. It means you stop letting stress dictate your tone, your timing, and your reactions.

By the end of this short format, most people say one of two things:

“I’m not getting hijacked the same way anymore,” or
“We can finally talk without it turning into a debate, shutdown, or blowup.”

How it works (in plain language)

We start by figuring out what your stress system does —your patterns, your triggers, and the moment the train jumps the tracks. Not just what you argue about, but what happens inside each person as stress rises.

Then we do the part most people skip: we rebuild regulation first . Because if your body is in fight/flight/shutdown, no communication skill in the world will work reliably. Regulation is the foundation.

Once that’s in place, we repair the “under pressure” moments—how you come at each other, how you pull away, how you misread intent, how you spiral. We install a few simple rules that keep the home from turning into a stress factory.

Finally, we lock in a plan that fits your life: roles, boundaries, and routines that reduce relapse. Not perfect. Just solid.

Who this is for

This is for adults and couples who carry real responsibility and want a structured reset —not endless processing. If you want practical traction and you’re willing to practice a few changes between sessions, this format is built for you.

What happens after five sessions

Some people stop because the system is stabilized and the path is clear.
Some choose maintenance to keep the gains.
And some go deeper—especially if trauma or long-term relational injury is driving the cycle.

You’re not locked into anything. The goal is traction, clarity, and a calmer home.

Want to know if it fits your situation? Call for a free consultation: 520-678-1115

Anger Management Wednesdays

Fri, 13 Jun 2025 06:05:33 GMT

Summer Special Anger Management

Anger Management Group – Wednesdays at 6:00 PM

For a limited time only we are offering our intake and treatment planning at the weekly group rate.

Are you seeking effective strategies to manage anger, fulfill court requirements, or simply improve your emotional well-being? Our new in-person group anger management class offers a personalized approach to help you gain control.
• When: Wednesdays at 6:00 PM
• Cost: $60 per hour
• What to Expect:
o Personalized treatment plan after initial intake.
o Group sessions designed to teach you how to identify and manage stress using the Family-Centered Regulatory Therapy (Stress Model).
o Opportunity for a completion letter or certificate.
• Court & Probation Approved? This class can satisfy 20 or 50 hours of anger management requirements for probation or diversion. We work directly with your probation officer or diversion counselor. Bring your complete written requirement so we can determine whether the program matches the required hours, deadline, and documentation. Final acceptance is determined by the referring authority.
• Individual Counseling: Available to fulfill domestic violence credits.
Whether court-ordered, spouse-requested, or for personal growth, you'll find a supportive, respectful environment focused on your needs. Learn to be less reactive and cultivate compassion for yourself and others.
Ready to take the first step? Call Us at 520-678-1115

Who does Attainable Family Solutions work with?

Wed, 05 Mar 2025 22:56:27 GMT

We have a complete solution that can meet your needs in just five meetings.

Many phone calls come to our office asking if we do marriage counseling, depression counseling, can we see kids, or any other particular niche or specialty.

What we offer is a solution called Family Centered Regulatory Therapy "Stress Model" that spans the test of multiple niches. Our solution is based on understanding what your triggers are and how your patterns of behavior are affected by stress. After the first four sessions our clients find they can use the "Stress Model" on their own or there are barriers to implementing this simple but highly effective strategy. Even after the first meeting you will have something to work on, to use and understand that can give you immediate relief.

Learn more about it here in a podcast Dwayne Kruse - Marriage and Family Therapist Dwayne was invited to speak regarding Family Centered Regulatory Therapy model.

What is Life Coaching.

dwayne.kruse@gmail.com (Dwayne Kruse) — Tue, 08 Aug 2023 20:33:31 GMT

How do I enhance my relationship? A Certified Life Coach can help.

In an excerpt from a recent article on Life coaching you can gain insight as to what to expect from life coaching.

Here at Attainable Family Solutions we have two certified life coaches in addition to a therapist. Our coaches are trained as Master Certified Life coaches from the Certified Life Coach Institute mentioned in the article from Datingnews.com.

The full article:

https://www.datingnews.com/industry-trends/certified-life-coach-institute-trains-mentors/

“[Certified life coaches] can identify trends in behavior and observe how these trends affect people’s beliefs and decisions. The ideal life coach also engages in healthy self-reflection and personal growth, ensuring they aid their clients from a growth-oriented position.

Life coaches can help with a variety of struggles and challenges, but they can’t help with everything. Life coaches focus on what lies ahead and how clients can adjust their present to manifest a better future. They guide their clients toward self-discovery and implementing positive change – while the client executes it.

People struggling with relationships will find that coaching puts the ball in their court. A life coach can help them realize how they are limiting themselves and instill the confidence they need to make a change that will improve their dating and relationship prospects.”

Be well

Dwayne Kruse MA LMFT

Master Certified Professional Life Coach

Depression Resources

Fri, 21 Apr 2023 22:18:13 GMT

Are you suffering from depression? What is it depression? How to heal?

What is Depression?

Depression (major depressive disorder) is a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think and how you act. Fortunately, it is also treatable. Depression causes feelings of sadness and/or a loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed. It can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems and can decrease your ability to function at work and at home.

If you or someone you know needs support now, call or text 988 , or chat 988lifeline.org

Depression symptoms can vary from mild to severe and can include:

Feeling sad or having a depressed mood
Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed
Changes in appetite — weight loss or gain unrelated to dieting
Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much
Loss of energy or increased fatigue
Increase in purposeless physical activity (e.g., inability to sit still, pacing, hand wringing) or slowed movements or speech (these actions must be severe enough to be observable by others)
Feeling worthless or guilty
Difficulty thinking, concentrating or making decisions
Thoughts of death or suicide

Symptoms must last at least two weeks and must represent a change in your previous level of functioning for a diagnosis of depression.

Also, medical conditions (e.g., thyroid problems, a brain tumor or vitamin deficiency) can mimic symptoms of depression so it is important to rule out general medical causes.

Take a depression test here

What can I do about it?

Call Today for a free 30 minute consultation. 520-5678-1115

Depression is a form of stress that engages our survival mechanism of fight or flight. A situation where our needs are not met. Navigating through depression can be extremely difficult alone. Understanding the root cause of depression helps. It also helps to have a therapist work you through getting your needs met.

On the other hand there’s a natural body chemical called oxytocin. This oxytocin can be exercised like a muscle. The more you call upon this stress calming hormone the more you will be able to use it freely. Have you ever heard of a runner’s high. Have you been surprised and felt great. That is oxytocin and positive endorphins. Seek them out.

Take Care of Yourself

Get Good Sleep

Sleep at least 8 hours a night. Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day. If you snore perhaps check in with your medical doctor to find ways to sleep better.

-Try this.

Clear your mind. Take a deep breath in through your nose. Hold for four seconds. Breath out through your mouth for 8 seconds. Open your throat so that you do not hear the air escaping. Do this five time while laying in bed ready to go to sleep.

Eat a Balanced Diet

Cut out simple sugars and too many carbohydrates. Avoid drinking alcohol. Eat your last meal a few hours before you go to bed. Avoid snacking before bed. When you wake up in the morning eat protein and vegetables. It turns out there are plenty of carbohydrates in our diet already.

Get Fresh Air and Exercise

Get at least 30minutes of exercise daily. Hopefully even raise your heart rate a bit. Don’t forget to stretch and get the built-up acids out of your body.

Drink Plenty of Clear Fluids

Drink water! Avoid soda of pop and alcohol. Even a lot of your fruit juices while they taste good don’t help flush your system nearly as well as good old fashioned water. I like to say that I but I’ll have a vintage water on the rocks.

Get Social

Talk to a trusted friend. Join a group that meets weekly. Put down your local Facebook page or community calendar and you will find plenty of things to do locally. You can always call us at Attainable Family Solutions LLC . We can help you find something to do. You are never alone.

Seek Help

Talk to a therapist. Perhaps consider medication.

We can Help!

Attainable Family Solutions is committed to helping you meet your needs. Whether you're depressive symptoms are acute and temporary due to a situation that you need help working through. Or if your depression struggles are severe, chronic even lifelong we have a service to meet your needs.

About the Author:

Dwayne Kruse MA LMFT and Certified Life Coach is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Arizona and Washington. He has worked with the most difficult of problems with individuals, couples, children and families.

Dwayne has spent 25+ years working in the areas of child services involvement, adoption, probation, military family issues, and unresolved childhood trauma. He has a great passion for his work and enjoys working closely with his clients.

As an expert in trauma and attachment, Dwayne strives to connect emotionally to your story and provide the right resources and support to help you get relief and meet your goals.

Dwayne's passion, children and families in crisis. His practice focuses on attachment injuries, children and adults with child protective services involvement, foster care, abandonment or legal involvement.

Many clients say I bring a level of calm to the room, along with my subtle and consistent drive to meet your needs. As your partner and guide, I come along side you and your family to create sustainable goals with realistic interventions and steps that we can all measure to see real progress. -Dwayne

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Take Care of Yourself

Get Good Sleep

-Try this.

Eat a Balanced Diet

Get Fresh Air and Exercise

Drink Plenty of Clear Fluids

Get Social

Seek Help

We can Help!

About the Author: